In a word it represented progress. I love music and have always used it as an outlet to express myself but it's always been a challenge for me to express emotions through music that make me feel vulnerable. You'd think after 2 1/2 years in Vocal Point I would have figured it out but I feel like most of the music I performed in Vocal Point was safe. Emoting what our songs demanded never caused me discomfort nor made me feel too vulnerable. Singing "Bring Him Home" was a different story. I had to consciously choose to make myself vulnerable in order to even attempt to portray sincerely the emotion of that song.
I can't recreate the entire experience in words but I will say that I felt something special. I got up to sing and through all the nerves came this peace of mind and the thought, "I have no reason to be nervous as long as I am sincere." As I sang I felt connected to the words and and message of the song. The vulnerability I felt was refreshing. I was able to look at the audience members and feel truly connected to them.
It was after the performance that I realized how much it symbolized progress for me. I had been able to touch more people more deeply because I had let myself be vulnerable. I allowed myself to feel and express an emotion through song that I had never expressed publically before and it resulted in a moving experience for me as well as many members of the audience.
I uploaded a video recording of the performance on YouTube (http://youtu.be/GLeXsrFIk9s) and shared it with a close friend for her birthday. She told me after watching my performance that the song took on new meaning for her. Instead of hearing a fifty-year-old Jean Valjean singing "Bring Him Home," she heard a 25-year-old Trevor singing "Bring Me Home." She felt that I was communicating my personal yearning for direction and understanding at this phase of my life with each "Bring Him Home."
Through my sincere interpretation of this song I was praying to be brought "home" - to a place of truth and safety. When I sang "If I die, let me die," she heard me expressing how much I was willing to give to be brought "home."
When she shared that with me, tears came to my eyes. It's true. I do yearn for truth, direction, safety, and understanding and I am willing to give whatever it takes to obtain it. I allowed her to truly see me through my performance because I chose to be vulnerable. I hope the progress I'm making by deciding to be more vulnerable, especially when I perform, will help "Bring Me Home."
How exactly do you consciously decide to be vulnerable? What did you do? Did you think how the song related to you or how you connected with it? What emotions did you feel while singing? I love your friend's observation and feeling she had while watching you sing it. I agree with you, I felt that it seemed to be the most sincere and vulnerable you've ever been while singing, it was awesome. It was beautiful and sincere and heartfelt and emotional and really wonderful, good job.
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