Live in the Present

Ok. I'm finally on the plane to Israel. Now that I'm on my way I feel calm and excited and ready to fully invest in the experience. I was not expecting it to be so hard to leave. 

The orientation Monday afternoon was... Interesting. And really long. But mostly really frustrating. I was expecting to feel more excited about the trip afterwards but instead I felt tense, worried, and upset. The whole thing was about rules, horror stories about the consequences of breaking rules, and ridiculous travel counsel. I left feeling like I had to completely repack and that in Jerusalem I would have to walk on egg shells all semester to not get sent home. Any anxiety or worry I had before the trip was heightened and I felt really overwhelmed. I kept wondering "Why am I leaving the comfort and friends in Provo to go to a Middle Eastern boot camp?" 

I went to dinner with Amanda and Polly and told them about how worked up I felt. Amanda told me to "unpack my backpack, assess the contents, throw away what I didn't need, and then repack what I did." So I laid it all out - every concern, every worry, doubt, and insecurity. I felt better but I still had this feeling in my stomach. Like when you get to the top of a drop tower and suddenly you start to fall and your stomach is suspended in the air and you just wait until your stomach catches before you go up again. The only problem was that it felt like my stomach was perpetually in the air and I wondered if it'd ever land. 

Amanda and Polly came over to help me pack along with a few close friends. When it was time to go I just sat down and relished in the moment. I wanted to sit there forever and be with my people. My face was hot, my stomach still in the air, and I didn't have anything to say. The only source of comfort was just being surrounded by people that loved me, which would be ending any moment. Finally we all got up, put my stuff in the car, and took one last picture together in Provo. 

I got onto the freeway and slowly the worry started to leave and peace started to come. I felt a sense of relief as I took a big step away from my Provo life and towards my Jerusalem experience. 

When I got to my friends house in Salt Lake they asked about the orientation. The frustration and fears came back and we talked about it for a few minutes. They offered to do anything I needed in order to help and then the dad offered to give me a blessing. As soon as he started I felt peace enter my heart and I listened to the counsel being given. The biggest takeaway for me was to not worry about the past nor the future but to be in the moment and appreciate how amazing and personal my experience will be in Jerusalem. I needed that inspired encouragement to live in the present. I felt so much more at peace afterwards and was able to enjoy my last night with that wonderful family. 

This morning I arrived at the airport and started getting to know the other 59 students I'll be living with this semester. They seem awesome. Any residual anxieties from the days, weeks, and months before began to dissolve as I started to connect with the people who I'm sure will become some of my closest friends. I'm here. I'm ready to relish in the now and have the experience of a lifetime.